You're my little dorito
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
