I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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