She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
