I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
