we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
