You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
