return my video game
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
