I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
