He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize