what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
