i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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