Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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