I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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