Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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