Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
