Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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