if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
