No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
