how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
