I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My feet surprised me
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