I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
