Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
