SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
