went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
