Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
