I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Four minutes until I can fart!
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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