But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
