So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
