I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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