Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We smell like vodka and hangover
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