I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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