it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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