Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
