last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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