Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
