also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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