i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We had to coat check the pizza.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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