Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
