Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Welp...herpes.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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