Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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