Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
