he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
