He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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