I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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