Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Randomize
