why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
