if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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