mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
