so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
dude. I can hear the air.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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