This dress was meant to end up on your floor
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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