The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
