Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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