Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you win again, gameday.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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