i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
