Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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