I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Randomize
