I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
