My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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