Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
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