The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
