i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
