i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
