i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
