I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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