i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
