Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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