seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I touched a dick in church today
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
