Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
