Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
