Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
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