either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
