she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
