Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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